Work In Progress

So I identify myself as a teacher. (And apparently I like to start Blog Posts with the word "So". And I love to start sentences with "and", as if I'm breaking all of the grammar rules from my childhood.) And as a teacher, I feel like I am a leader and guide of some sort, naturally. And one of the things I've been struggling with recently, but also for many years is this: I want to teach and share all that I have learned, all that has helped me to grow. But how can I do that if I'm not perfect, if I don't have it all figured out? Why would anyone want to listen to me if I'm still a Work In Progress? We read so many books...I especially love the "Self-Help" or the more socially acceptably titled "Self-Improvement" ones. And these books are so wonderful and have so much advice and all you have to do is follow their methodology, and your life will improve drastically! And the most powerful authors (to me) are the ones with a good story. I love that first chapter or introduction of the book where the author speaks first-hand about how they they've cured themselves of Cancer or overcome a drug addiction or gotten themselves out of an abusive relationship. (Please don't misunderstand me, these are all powerful and amazing things and I'm not making fun or discounting them at all.) And because the author has made it through that challenging part of their life with such excellence, they are now ready to share with you and me and the world how they did it. Fantastic. I love it! I'm in! And I will read that book, and I will follow the process step by step, and I will feel better. For a while. For a little bit. And then maybe I'll slip back into my old ways and habits. And then I'll feel like a failure because I couldn't make it work. And then what? Author, tell me what to do! I guess do the process over again? Why did I not cure myself of all my ailments and bad habits like you did? Why am I now not perfect?

So if you're anything like me, imagine the struggle of being a teacher or a guide wanting to share all of the wonderful healing processes that I've been studying and practicing for years. I know they have helped me so much. I know that they have changed my life. I know that I feel so much better! So I can share all of that. But how can I share that I still suffer? How can I share that my Psoriasis condition is worse than ever? (Well I don't have to worry about that because my skin shows it to you all and I don't wear makeup.) How can I share that much of the time my mind is also racing and I have no idea what to do? How can I share that I'm still struggling with some unhealthy bad habits? Who's going to want to read my Self-Help book if I don't have it all figured out? Maybe it should be in the "Almost Self-Improvement" section. 

But I think you know what I think. I think that's all bullshit. Or I want to believe that it is. I think I have lots of things to share even if I'm still a work in progress. I think that I am human and we all relate to each other as human beings. I am not necessarily the heroine sharing my story. I am the honest girl who is conquering her fears (of what everyone might possibly think) by being completely open and honest in a very public format. So hopefully, if you're interested, I can inspire you to be your own bold self. And join me, as I am, a WIP. A WORK IN PROGRESS.

Courtney Sabbagh